Tuesday, April 20, 2010

A Student of Mine

He was shot in the head on his fucking 18th birthday. And he wasn’t that type of boy. He was a good boy, didn't drink or smoke, he made good grades, was recently accepted to college and would be graduating in June. But one accidental stupid move ruined it all. For two days I have been sitting here listening to the kids cry and walk around depressed, almost as if they are empty inside because of what has happened.
I work here everyday with kids struggling to get through homework because their biggest struggle is making it everyday. So many kids here in my own hometown are suffering from the plight of their neighborhoods, that it has become this game that they are forced to play in everyday, and because they are not awarded the resources to help them combat the negative forces tempting and controlling them and their families everyday, they are forced into this cycle that keeps spinning at the same speed, never stopping but enveloping them deeper and deeper into it as they grow. It’s sickening. How am I supposed to help people when they aren’t given a decent fair shot at survival? I can push and push as much as I can, but it’s never a guarantee. This shit is real, and this is supposed to be fucking AMERICA, the so called freedom land. This shit is bullshit. There is so much fucking hidden racism in laws and in everything else that if you look too hard it makes you want to throw up. It makes me want to throw up. I’m black and as a black woman, no matter how much Athenian I have had or no matter how much college education I receive, I will still be subject to the victimization of this system. But the part that fucks with me the most is that no matter what I do, no matter how much I succeed, the majority of my people will still be enveloped in this mess called life in America. And don’t even get me started on the south. And this is why so many black men consider it an accomplishment to make it to 18 or even 21 alive. And that’s with or without a prison record. I cant imagine what its like to be a mother.

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